Im jokes

I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.

We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?

I'm ta ping it, some ting won.

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I'm looking for the bartender.

Person named Bart:

Wanna hear a joke?

No, I'm already looking at one.

What is a disabled person's least favorite song?

"I'm Still Standing."

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

"What?" Angelica replied.

"I'm a guy."

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"

The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

I'm not a robot, but orphans are.