Im

Im jokes

Phone Call

    • One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

    "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

    Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

    "Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

    "No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

    "No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

    "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

    "Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

    "Okay daddy!"

    *long pause*

    "Okay daddy! I did it!"

    "Great job Sally! What did she say?"

    "Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

    Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

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    • Man

    • A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.

    Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”

    Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

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    • Im memes

    Job Interview

    • I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

    "Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

    Dog

    • I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

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    • Suicide

    • Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.

    *proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*

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    • Punch

    • When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

    Girl

    • Girl: I’m so in love with you!

    Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.

    Girl: What’s the ijk?

    Boy: I’m just kidding.

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