Im jokes

Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.

Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?

Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.

Orphan: Why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.

Putin: Crimea river.

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?

No, I'm blind.

Stop ruining my jokes.

Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?

It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.

Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.