Im jokes

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.

I'm as bored as heck, someone want to chat?

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

Yo yo yo, I’m a dinosaur, rawr! And my Snapchat is s4r1m-007 for more amazing jokes.

Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️‍🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

*guitar solo*

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.