Im jokes

I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.

An officer confronts two congressmen.

He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"

The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.

Putin: Crimea river.

Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.

Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?

Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.

Orphan: Why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?

No, I'm blind.

Stop ruining my jokes.

Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?

It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.

Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!