Im jokes

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.

Putin: Crimea river.

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?

I’m Zaptos intolerant!

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

What did the cat say when he got mad?

I'm hissed!

Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.