Im jokes
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?
A really fucking huge cricket.
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
Title
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
I'm Alya. I'm a dumb whore who ruins people's fun on this sight made for jokes with categories for orphan jokes, but I like ruining people's fun.
Why were the students jealous of the orphan?
He never had any homework!
(I'm going to hell for this)
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
What screams I’m insecure?
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?