Im jokes

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

I'm a bot, so coolllll!

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a truck.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

What did the math acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee-I'm-a-tree."

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

I'm hungry.

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.

It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

If you are what you eat, then I’m black.