Im jokes

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

Doctor: I can't treat you.

Orphan: Why!

Doctor: I'm a family doctor.

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."

Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.

Me: That’s what I call an orphan!

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"

I've Benin there.

I'm Ghana go.

I've got to Togo.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.

I'm in school shooting. #USA

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.

Guys, add me as a friend in Roblox. I'm hawaiilover973 :D

I'm weird.