Im jokes

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

I've Benin there.

I'm Ghana go.

I've got to Togo.

Doctor: I can't treat you.

Orphan: Why!

Doctor: I'm a family doctor.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.

Me: That’s what I call an orphan!

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"

I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

Bob Weir: Where are you going?

Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!

I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

It’s impossible to put down.

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"