Ill jokes

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

If y'all look up freshfry jokes, I'll come up. About a year ago, I had a bunch of friends on this app.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.

A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."

"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.

"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

I'll really mist ya.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

"No, it's 26."

"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

"You're missing one more."

"I'll give you the D later."

"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"