Ill jokes

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I'll really mist ya.

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

"No, it's 26."

"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

"You're missing one more."

"I'll give you the D later."

"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.

Wordle be like (pt3)

Any future Wordle jokes I'll just put into one mega comp.

STUCK 💛🩶🩶🩶💛

FOLKS 🩶🩶🩶💛💚

MAKES 🩶🩶💚💚💚

YIKES 💛🩶💚💚💚

Waitress: What can I get for you?

Me: I'll have a steak.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Me: Immediately!

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

What did the rapper say to the microphone?

"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.