If jokes

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!

If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?

It’s a bumper team.

Why do they call him Mankind if he is always choke slamming people?

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."

Nobody stands up.

After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."

Little Johnny stands up.

"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"

"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

If the sun had a kid, it would be like father, like sun. 🤓 😎

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.