If jokes
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.
Imagine if Batman had a family reunion!
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Your hairline couldn't be seen even if it was glowing.
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.
My science teacher was talking about natural selection.
At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.
If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-