If jokes

Autism

Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?

They’re jealous that autism can speak.

(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).

Poo

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Condom

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

Orphan

What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?

They can't find the home button.

Spectrum

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

Memes

Shawarma

Zis iz za best joke in za west: exsepz if zu put ketup in shawarma itz yo mama!

Difference

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Dyslexic

Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.

State

If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?

Idaho... Alaska!

Lol

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Voice

If you don't have big Nyash,

Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂

Dog

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

Stalin

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

Difference

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.

Plane

If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.