If jokes

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?

A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?

A crab apple!

I like ramen. If you do, like!

Admins, if you are seeing this, please look in the comments of https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5d521e61d3e53a06d27bc361/why-are-you-censoring-my-friend-franz.

I'm sorry.

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"