If jokes

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?

Mandachlorian.

If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?

If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Imagine if a ninja got a low taper fade.

If a mentally challenged person shows up late,

Is it ok to call him tardy?

If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.

If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.

You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!