If jokes

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......

Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga

YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?

"Probably the dishes."

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?

Zeedonk.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat.

How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”

Friend 1: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: “Yea.”

Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”

Friend 3: “I love anime.”

Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.

If you are what you eat, then I’m black.

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.