If jokes
Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.
If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?
'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
If she’s old enough to breed, she’s old enough for me.
"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.
If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)
If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.