Humor

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?

A: A beaver dam.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.