Humor

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.