Humor
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.