Humor

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

9/11 jokes are the bomb.

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?

I don't know! I don't care!

What is the worst comedy for disabled people?

Stand-up comedy!