Humor
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Memes
Yo mama so ugly!
The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"