Humor

A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.

A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.

"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.

"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"

"Good, but where's the p?"

"Running down my leg."

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?

A: A beaver dam.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.