Humor
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Memes
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.