I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Humor
Yo mama so ugly!
The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
