Humor
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
I never get school shooting jokes.
Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
9/11 jokes are the bomb.
It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.