Humor

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

https://schlechtewitze.com

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏