Humor

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

A priest walks into a wine store.

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I cry when I chop up onions.

When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?

This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.

People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?

They're both fun to flip off.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn't see anything wrong with it.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

What place can you always find suicidal cows at?

"McDonald's."

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.

"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.

"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"

"Good, but where's the p?"

"Running down my leg."