Humor
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
Your Mama so fat, when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed but the sidewalk cracked up.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
I would have told you a cheesy pun, but it was too cheesy. *picks up cheeses*
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.
Eggy joke for all to enjoy!
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.