Humor
I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.
Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.
Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
It's not incest if you're adopted.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Eggs
You crack me up!
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.