Puns, that's how I roll.
Humor
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Orphan joke protest idea.
Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Ho Lee Fuk.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Are you a printer? Because you turn my soft copy into a hard copy. Dark..Humor :)
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
