Humor
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
Kidnapper: want a snack? Me: if you think you can kiddnap me with snacks you are apsalutly right now gimme the snacks pls
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
There is one rapist among us.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
Imposter: Did you do Sawcon task?
Crewmate: What's Sawcon?
Imposter: Sawcon deez nuts!
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)