Golfer

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he gets a hole in one!

Penis

This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.

Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.

Jesus

Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...

Victim

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!

Crash

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)

Man

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

Stephen Hawking

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"

Wine

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

Cow

A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?

Yu.