Humor
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Who is the coolest vegetable?
Rad-ish, of course!
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.
Why did they only come home with 3 fish?
(Answer)
There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.
If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?
Memes
Here via westwingman.net from Veep!
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
Toot and poop.
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
Have you heard the joke about the paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?
"Dang girl, you are so appealing!" š
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.
*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to skull.
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.