Humor
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to skull.
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
What's the artist imagine something?
Imagine Dragons!
Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!
Dark humor.
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.