Humor

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

Dark humor is like water. It exists.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

The joke is you! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

What do you call an animal flouting?

Super bird!

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I did.

I did who?

You did a poo.

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?

Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

Deez nuts eat nuts.

Yo mama is so dumb, she plays Pokémon and doesn’t catch any.

What is an egg joke?

Egg-xcellent question!

You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

What color is Stephen Hawking's house?

It's a bungalow.

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."