Humor

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?

He couldn't make it up the stairs.

Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not Susie.

What's worse than funny condom fails?

Jake Paul.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

Hey guys! It's Triple G. You can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes, as those are the jokes I specialize and only do best on in the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements, as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revoir, GGG

Like this joke. Ur mom.

How ISS greets their friend.

"You the BOMB!"

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?

Because it has at least one hundred degrees.

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.

Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.