When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
A person says why? and you say no
a little girl said one day " grandmas gonna die tonight". the next morning the girl's grandmother's body was found. that day she said again " Grandpas gonna die tonight" sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning. that day she said " daddy's gonna die tonight." the girls father was terrified. he lay shaking the entire night. somehow, he survived until morning. his wife came into the room crying. he asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
what does a make a wish kid and mosquitoes have in common? They Both Got A 10% Survival Rate...
Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.
Thankfully I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
a blond, a red head, and brunette, were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away, so in turn they try to swim to the island, the brunette swims 10 km then drowns, the red head swims 30 km then drowns, the blond swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
When the school shooter misses you but you gotta play it off;
😐😑
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore, she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 ONEted TWO bring THREE knives FOUR surFIVEal, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hEIGHTed him, and didn’t have beNINE inTENtions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the lysol didn't kill.
What game do zombies 🧟♀️ like to play?
Corpse and Robbers
I’m telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
