Humor

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

Wet noses.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?

It might turn into ICE.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?

"That is very Wong."

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.