Humor

What did the sushi say to the bee?

"Wasuuubi!"

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

Orphan joke club Discord coming soon.

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?

A grape chilli bean.

So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.

How do Chinese people name their babies?

They chuck a pan down the stairs.