Humor

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

One is USA, the other is USB. 😂😂😂

Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?

- Kelp!

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit."

"Knock knock."

"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.