Humor
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
Memes
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!
Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!