Humor
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Memes
Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"
Q: What is 9 + 11?
A: 9/11
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
What's an Asian's worst nightmare? A tree.
Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
What's an Indian's favorite store?
Red Dot.
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Chode.
I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.