Humor

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Roses are red, violets are blue.

These jokes are old, come up with something new!

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

Chode.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?

- Kelp!

What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?

"May divorce be with you."

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.

"Hey, how do I look?"

"With your eyes, Joe."

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!

Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.