Humor

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

789.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]

You know, 9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just PLANE wrong!

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

"Like if u cry everytime."

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."

I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.

Haha, the joke is me.

This humor is so dark, it's darker than the Black population.

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because there was a dad on the other side.