Seaweed jokes
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
How do fish get high?
Because they eat seaweed.
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.
Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
