Humor
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...
...I told him to lighten up.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.
AOT > ur fav anime.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
Have you heard the joke about the paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
What's better than a meme? A really good Vine.
"Knock knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."