Humor

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?

I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."

What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?

The letter b.

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

You are all going to be pun-ished!

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

What's stiff and 6 inches long?

SIDS.

Wanna hear a poop joke?

Nah, they always stink.

Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Because he looked like me.

Sans: Sure.

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.