Humor
I’d tell you a Chinese joke, but it’s wong.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
You are all going to be pun-ished!
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because he looked like me.
Sans: Sure.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!