Humor
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
What is the thirstiest ocean in the world?
The Gulf of Mexico lol!
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?" Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
Wanna hear a joke...
I don't know, I'm too high.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
W-what does, I mean uh, what is, um-, wh-what’s the difference, no... I mean- I mean what do you call a, um... sorry guys, i-i can’t do this. 😥🥺
*runs away in tears*
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well, neither did she!
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.