Humor
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
What a skeleton baked for the other skeleton.
A pa_pıe_rus.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Papyrus: Well come to the underground.
Sans: How was your falls?
Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.
Sans: Give me your balls!