Humor

I told a chemist a joke.

No reaction.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.

That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!

Wow, why so many of the same joke?

Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.

What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

I don't know why we have to make jokes about this, it's already a joke.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...