Humor
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.
Would an orphan's family photo be considered a selfie?
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.