What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Humor
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
You are all going to be pun-ished!
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because he looked like me.
Sans: Sure.
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What a skeleton baked for the other skeleton.
A pa_pıe_rus.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
