Humor

Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?

Priest: Why?

Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.

"Trump is Putin, America first!" hahaha

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.

Would an orphan's family photo be considered a selfie?

Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...

"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."

Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

Sans: How was your falls?

Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

Sans: Give me your balls!

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!

Me: hee hee egypt.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!