Humor

What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

TommyInnit is a joke.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit!"

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?

It made sour milk.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Cakatoo."

"Cakatoo who?"

"So, you're a Rooster now?"

Why did Sally cross the road?

She didn’t wear her seatbelt.

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

Seasoned vegetables.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.