Humor

Why did Sally cross the road?

She didn’t wear her seatbelt.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

Seasoned vegetables.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song??

Rollin' and Controllin'.

Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!

In America, you fight Ukraine.

In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.