Humor

What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.

Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?

It made sour milk.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

What do you call a black person with a pride flag? A Cosmic Brownie.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

Seasoned vegetables.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

I told a chemist a joke.

No reaction.

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.

That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!

Wow, why so many of the same joke?

Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.

What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.