Humor
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
Memes
Dwayne the Cock Johnson is the man
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."