A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
Humor
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?
gay now, heterosexual later.
What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?
"Can you show me what rape is?"
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
