When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Humor
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
A: Cha-Ching!
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
