Humor
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
Memes
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Did you?
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.
So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?
On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.
You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!