Humor
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.