Humor
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What do planets use to download music?
Nep-tunes.
All these jokes are pen-ful to read.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
Memes
I wish all stop signs were written this way
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Boner.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.