Humor
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
All these jokes are pen-ful to read.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.