Humor
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people. Pun in, ten dead.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.