Humor
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
What happens when a pun isn’t funny?
It gets PUNished.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
*insert pun here*
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Tell me a joke.
OK, your face.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
Joe Mama!
I would tell you the pun about the broken pencil, but it has no point to it.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.