Humor
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards." It is not cool.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
(l=====8
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
What happens when a pun isn’t funny?
It gets PUNished.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.