Humor

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

These jokes make me want to die.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.

Boner.

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Baby!"

"Baby who?"

"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

"No thanks, I already ate."

Submit a joke :-)

Your love life.

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

What is the slipperiest county?

Greece!

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I have a really good joke.

Do you want to hear it?

Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?

“Because they always wanted a daddy.”

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

Now, how about that drink?