Humor

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?

Ilean.

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

Joe Mama!

I would tell you the pun about the broken pencil, but it has no point to it.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

These jokes make me want to die.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.

Boner.

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Baby!"

"Baby who?"

"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

"No thanks, I already ate."

Submit a joke :-)

Your love life.

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

What is the slipperiest county?

Greece!