Humor
Why do people laugh at mountains?
Because they're HILLarious!
"I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friend's house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away."
"I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."
Said no horror movie character ever.
And also GTA logic.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
If Bugs Bunny had Down Syndrome:
"Meeeehh, what's up, Downs?"
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.