Humor

Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...

what do you call a cow that fell?

Ground beef.

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

I told my sister a Dairy joke.

She said it was cheesy.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?

Yu.

Uh oh, stinky!

If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

What do you call a ghost bee?

Boobees.

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

What is a homeless person's favorite joke?... Themselves.

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What does the bee say to the fly?

"Buzz off!"

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

What do you call an orphan fish?

Self-ish.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.

Chode.