Humor
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
What do Cavemen poop in?
A Neander stall.
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
Uh oh, stinky!
If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
What is a homeless person's favorite joke?... Themselves.
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."