Humor

What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣

For every orphan, a bag of chips is family size.

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!

Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?

CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.

What do Cavemen poop in?

A Neander stall.

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?

European.

Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...

what do you call a cow that fell?

Ground beef.

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

I told my sister a Dairy joke.

She said it was cheesy.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)