Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?

He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Hahaha...”

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

BlessedBrian’s sense of humor is like a GPS without signal... LOST and going NOWHERE.