Humor

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

It davving on the eons, broski.

They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.

Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?

He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.

How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Hahaha...”

Only Dick Rapeboat got is his rhyming dictionary.