Humor
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
......
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.