Humor
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Even Michael Jordan can't dunk from your hairline! 🤣🤣
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
Gaykelyu
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.