Humor
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
What do you call a banana that can dance?
CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]