Humor

Your hairline is so far back that Green Lantern became Blue Torch.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

Stop with the orphan jokes. We're running out of orphans to joke about.

Stop making these stop jokes. I'm running out of laugh gas.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

Popular guy in class: I am so funny.

Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?

Names.

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

What do you call a mouse with sneakers?

Squeakers!

My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣

You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂

I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

What do you call depressed coffee?

Despresso ;)