Humor

Humor

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What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?

Because they were just roman around.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.

The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.

The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.

The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"

The bartender agrees without hesitation.

The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.

"WTF!" the man shouts.

The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."