What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
Humor
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
Dark humor is like water. It exists.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Why is it easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
What do you call depressed Sesame Street?
Emo's World.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?
Special forces.
