Hows jokes
How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?
Five.
Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
How does water say hi?
It waves.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
How can you help a llama on holiday? Alpaca your bags.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*